The Future is Near

School days are getting closer. My daughters both love school. The 15y/o is going into the 10th grade, the 13y/o is going to the 8th grade. They are young ladies now (the 13y/o still sleeps with Mommy sometimes) and I just get teary thinking about them going away to college. Zoe only has 2 years of high school left after this year. She can't wait. I can, she wants to go to Spelman in Atlanta. My baby half a world away, I hate thinking about it. She'll be too young to be so far away from Mommy.

Ashlee wants to go to UNLV. I can handle that. I knew she wouldn't leave Mommy. Ashlee won't break Mommy's heart going all the way across country. And besides the fact that Baby Josef will still be here (Zoe is laughing herself silly while I write this), it still won't be the same without the girls. Maybe I'm being selfish (stop laughing at me, girls). I know I'll still be Mommy, I know they will still need me and I'll get over Ashlee not sleeping with me because Josef will be sleeping with me (you can stop laughing now, Zoe).

Naptime

I miss my baby at naptime. Even when he's asleep right next to me, I miss him. The cuteness is just too much to be away from even for a moment. And to make things worse, he makes adorable little noises while he is napping. It takes all my strength not to wake him up an take all his sugars. The 13y/o hovers around his room to try and get all the fresh post-nap sugars for herself. I've got to make up a plan to distract her so the sugars will be all mine. Yesterday, I heard him on the monitor, went up, and she already had him, stealing all the fresh sugar kisses I had waited 3 hours to get. That cannot happen again. She has got to understand that post-nap sugars belong to Mommy. During the night, the 15y/o and the 13y/o have their sugars stolen by me while they're asleep. Post-nap baby sugars are MINE! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Sleeper

Josef is now sleeping all night. I miss the 3am nursing, because this late at night, I have him all to myself. My sleeping is still tuned to his 3am feedings, so I am usually awake, just in case he wakes up. I spend my time waiting in my studio working on a piece I plan to sell at auction. I'm also working on a poster for the WIC program, but that's daytime work. I am alone unless the 13 y/o comes downstairs. She's my shadow, and she can smell when I'm in my studio. Tonite, I can work. I've checked on the baby a dozen times. He is so cute, it's all I can do not to wake him so I can satisfy my longing to hold him. Since he's sleeping all night, we have a ritual we go through before his bedtime. First, a bath. Next, a full baby massage featuring a jazz cd donated by the 15 y/o. Finally I read him Goodnite Moon while I nurse him, then he falls asleep for the night. I miss Baby Sugars (nickname given by the 13 y/o). I love to watch him nurse, he smiles and gazes so sweetly. He usually wakes around 6am, I think I'll go nap in his room until he wakes.

The Holiday Weekend!

independance day weekend was so much fun! on friday, i took the kids to the library. we spent two hours there. while the 13-year-old searched for manga that she hadn't read, the baby and i strolled around, enjoying the children's section. i can't wait until he is old enough to pick out books he wants me to read to him. the whole section is adorable with chairs and tables for the kids, a puppet show area, and a theater for movies and plays. Ashlee loves the teen section, she loves to sit in there and read. Zoe likes to go with her friends and use the study rooms. on saturday, we all went shopping in vegas. i love las vegas, it's where my family lives. it turned out to be a great family trip. on sunday, the whole family went to church before going to my dad's for barbecue. monday we all went to my grandmothers for dinner at her house before returning home. the baby made the trip well, he acually slept there and back. can't wait to see vegas again, without the kids!

Artists' Block

I love art auctions. I enter different ones a couple times a year, sometimes online. The 13-year-old has chosen to help me with a piece I plan on sculpting. She helped me early on by going over about 2 dozen sketches I made and helping me choose the 2 we plan on modeling. I love her interest, she's never shown any in working in stone. She usually draws on her laptop, taking it practically everywhere. The 15-year-old will sometimes sketch outfits when she's got something on her mind (boys), but she usually ignores her creativity unless we're shopping. I am happy my daughters inherited my skills, it really helps me communicate with them. They wander into my studio to spend time with me, discussing their problems and inviting me to offer advice. My little girls are getting older, yet they still feel close enough to Mommy to talk about what's bothering them, and I feel very lucky. Teens don't always talk to their parents, and I will do everything I can to always be accessible when they need me.