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My Zoe

She is complicated to some, but I can understand. She gives me hints to what she's thinking. She communicates with me without revealing all her thoughts directly. That would violate the "teenage code". Her life is pretty easy, although to her, it seems hard sometimes. She endures the awe of the 13y/o with kindness and, at times, extreme patience. She has nothing but love for the infant. Sometimes she devotes her time to him only, taking him to her room and playing with him for hours.

Zoe can be a trying soul at times. Her pranks have caused her Dad hours of frustration. They bump heads, she cries, she pouts, he gives in, happiness again. With me, she holds a grudge because I'm not so easy. I remember what it was like being a 15y/o, so I don't give in so simply. Zoe knows how far she can go with me. She's not so very much trouble, however. She spends a lot of her time being Youth Council President at church. She loves her position. The 13y/o likes her big sister being in charge.

So that's my Zoe. Church leader, advanced placement sophmore, oldest daughter, and teen with minimal angst. My first child, almost 16 years old.

Changes

My son has changed so much in 4 months. Not in appearance, but in personality. Watching him now gives me so much joy. He interacts with each of us differently. With Zoe, he observes closely how she talks (usually on the phone) and laughs. He plays happily with Ashlee, she dangles toys for him to grab. With Hubby he laughs loudly, "Daddy" literally means fun to most kids. With me, he vocalizes constantly. While I read to him, he talks about the books with me (I think).

I miss him being a newborn, but I love how he's growing right before my eyes...chubby, bright-eyed, and breastfed!

The Future is Near

School days are getting closer. My daughters both love school. The 15y/o is going into the 10th grade, the 13y/o is going to the 8th grade. They are young ladies now (the 13y/o still sleeps with Mommy sometimes) and I just get teary thinking about them going away to college. Zoe only has 2 years of high school left after this year. She can't wait. I can, she wants to go to Spelman in Atlanta. My baby half a world away, I hate thinking about it. She'll be too young to be so far away from Mommy.

Ashlee wants to go to UNLV. I can handle that. I knew she wouldn't leave Mommy. Ashlee won't break Mommy's heart going all the way across country. And besides the fact that Baby Josef will still be here (Zoe is laughing herself silly while I write this), it still won't be the same without the girls. Maybe I'm being selfish (stop laughing at me, girls). I know I'll still be Mommy, I know they will still need me and I'll get over Ashlee not sleeping with me because Josef will be sleeping with me (you can stop laughing now, Zoe).

Naptime

I miss my baby at naptime. Even when he's asleep right next to me, I miss him. The cuteness is just too much to be away from even for a moment. And to make things worse, he makes adorable little noises while he is napping. It takes all my strength not to wake him up an take all his sugars. The 13y/o hovers around his room to try and get all the fresh post-nap sugars for herself. I've got to make up a plan to distract her so the sugars will be all mine. Yesterday, I heard him on the monitor, went up, and she already had him, stealing all the fresh sugar kisses I had waited 3 hours to get. That cannot happen again. She has got to understand that post-nap sugars belong to Mommy. During the night, the 15y/o and the 13y/o have their sugars stolen by me while they're asleep. Post-nap baby sugars are MINE! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Sleeper

Josef is now sleeping all night. I miss the 3am nursing, because this late at night, I have him all to myself. My sleeping is still tuned to his 3am feedings, so I am usually awake, just in case he wakes up. I spend my time waiting in my studio working on a piece I plan to sell at auction. I'm also working on a poster for the WIC program, but that's daytime work. I am alone unless the 13 y/o comes downstairs. She's my shadow, and she can smell when I'm in my studio. Tonite, I can work. I've checked on the baby a dozen times. He is so cute, it's all I can do not to wake him so I can satisfy my longing to hold him. Since he's sleeping all night, we have a ritual we go through before his bedtime. First, a bath. Next, a full baby massage featuring a jazz cd donated by the 15 y/o. Finally I read him Goodnite Moon while I nurse him, then he falls asleep for the night. I miss Baby Sugars (nickname given by the 13 y/o). I love to watch him nurse, he smiles and gazes so sweetly. He usually wakes around 6am, I think I'll go nap in his room until he wakes.